Knowing What We Want

Are there any keys to finding that “special” person, to fulfill a long-term relationship or marriage? If you are having a bit of a challenge finding a partner or spouse, here are some suggestions for you – and they don’t involve an Internet site or smartphone app to swipe. They do involve two vital points: truly knowing yourself, and clearly knowing what you want.

First, do you know specifically what kind of person you are looking for? What qualities do you value in a mate, and how do you judge whether a person has those qualities?

Do you have a clear picture of what your relationship with your partner will be like, including how you will treat each other, how you will deal with conflict, what your social life will look like? You see, the clearer your values are, and the clearer your picture is of the kind of person you are looking for, the likelier it is that you will end up with what you want.

Do you have issues from your family of origin or other relationships that might prevent you from enjoying this kind of happiness? Would some counseling or group support help eliminate these obstacles? Finally, do you live in a way that is consistent with what you want in a relationship? Because, in the end, it is far more important to be the right person than it is to find the right person.

It is difficult to attract anyone who is better or more successful or kinder than you are comfortable with – or believe in your heart of hearts you deserve. If you work on your mental pictures and your growth as an individual first, you will recognize and be ready for the right person when that person comes along.

Incidentally, this same process works when we are looking for business colleagues or business partners. We need to understand and live our corporate values first, and have a clear, concise picture of what we are looking for in a business partner. Then we will be ready to engage with the best possible partners on our corporate path forward.