A Shared Future

What can you do when you want to improve your marriage or close relationship, but your significant other seems to be content with the way things are?

Marriage or other close relationships offer us unique opportunities to grow. Sometimes, though, conflict arises when partners in romantic relationships have different visions of what the relationship should be like and different ideas about the direction it should take. When this happens, co-creating a future can be quite the challenge.

If you think your close relationship could use some work but your partner doesn’t, what do you do? Well, for starters, you don’t start blaming them for disagreeing with you and neither should you assume that there is something wrong with you. What you can do, instead, is share your visions with each other. Can you describe, as specifically as possible, without blaming or judging, just how you see the problem? Can you describe, just as specifically, what you see the future as being?

Sometimes professional couples counseling can be a great help in opening faulty lines of communication. Whether you decide to get help or not, make sure you stay focused on a vision of how the relationship will look when it is fixed, and maintain a non-blaming, non-judgmental attitude throughout. It isn’t always easy, but if you can take the emotion out of the situation long enough, the situation becomes clearer and possibly easier to manage when decisions need to be made.

Remember that disagreement doesn’t have to mean someone is wrong, and conflict can lead to greater harmony if it is handled properly. Think of it as clearing the rocks and brush out of the way, on your path to your shared future.